A Weekend Guest

A good friend of mine from Austin recently came through here on her vacation. She and I have been friends since we were both in our 20s, and although I had spoken of each of them to the other through the years, Lucy#1 and Marianne had never met.

We had a nice weekend. We relaxed and didn't do anything except talk.

Marianne got up before I did on Monday, and completed her bathroom routine early first so I could get ready for work.

When I turned my hair dryer off, I could hear Marianne chuckling. Then I heard her laughing. I could hear the rumble of Lucy#1’s voice, but could not distinguish any words. Marianne chuckled some more.

I went to the dining room, where Lucy#1 and Marianne were grinning at each other and said, “I hope no one is telling embarrassing stories about me! Marianne, what is she telling you? You two had better not be laughing at me!”

There was a brief pause. Marianne looked at Lucy#1. Lucy#1 looked at Marianne. They grinned. Marianne looked at me and said, “Your mom is telling me about some of her antics when she was young, and how she was a women’s libber before there was women’s lib.”

Lucy#1 grinned again, and told Marianne a story about marching when she was in Air Force Basic Training and how she almost punched someone. Marianne chuckled. Lucy#1 was in her element!

Marianne told me, “Your mom is so cute.”

Lucy#1 told me, “Marianne is really nice.”

I love those two!

All You Need Is Love

Between the Beatles and the Bible, I’m a believer – love really is all you need! I’m not talking about being “in love,” but about the love between any person and that person’s friend, child, pet, parent, neighbor, coworker. (By the way, I don't mean to whack in-lovers off the list. Rather, I hope if you are "in love," the person with whom you are in love is your best friend.)

The Bible says this:

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. 

(1 Corinthians 13:4-7)(NIV)

 

The apostle Paul wrote this letter to the Corinthians because he had heard the church members in Corinth were quarrelling amongst themselves. His words about love came just after his words explaining that each person in his audience needed the others and none were better than the others. (If you haven’t read 1 Corinthians lately, go re-read it! It’s good instruction for life, and you may find some surprises in there!)

I have no M.Div. and I’m not about to preach to you, so please don’t run away if you’re not a Christian. (I would still recommend 1 Corinthians to you as a good read and a good roadmap, though.) Paul’s words apply to more than just the people in the Church. He’s talking to human beings, and that’s all of us.

Most adults have some experience with living with another human being. Some are married, with or without children; some have roommates; some are blessed to live alone but have had roommates or spouses in the past; everybody lived with someone as a child or a teenager. I’m betting that any time one human being lives with another, life is much happier for all when everyone treats everyone else with the love Paul describes in 1 Corinthians.

Certainly, since the Two Lucys have lived together, this Lucy has been bombarded with the truth of Paul’s words. This is not the first time I have seen the truth in these words, but it is the first time I’ve experienced this truth quite so personally and quite so daily. It’s the first time I’ve taken this truth completely to heart.

Lucy#1 is my mother. Of course she loves me. Of course I love her. But sometimes we may be irritated enough to not like each other so much at a particular moment. That particular moment, my friends, is where Paul’s truth about love can fall right on your head and make you see stars! But the stars are glowing stars full of life and happiness if you skip the un-like and go right to the love.

Here’s the trick: It’s not just about the love you have for the irritating person. It’s the love that person has for you. How can I have more than a flicker of annoyance with Lucy#1 when I know how much she loves me? She has loved me for 56 years!! That’s a lot of lovin’! Of course I have loved her right back, but the point is that even when she no doubt wanted to pinch my head off through the years, she continued to love me. She still loves me when I’m ticking her off right now and she’s stomping out the front door to smoke a cigarette and make it clear she is ignoring me.

When you remember that someone loves you, you are a better person. You want to love others. And the way we humans show love to one other? We are patient and kind, not envious, boastful, or proud; we put others above ourselves; we keep our tempers in check; we forget (and forgive) the wrongs done to us (large and small); we treat others well and tell the truth; we protect, trust, hope, and persevere.

When Lucy#1 wakes me up at 8:30 on a Saturday morning when I’ve been exhausted and suffering with a sinus headache all week and wanted to sleep past noon, I remember that she loves me. And, I’m pretty sure that when I tell Lucy#1 that we need to get her hearing tested because I do not mumble, she remembers that she loves me. The recollection of love makes us get along very well together. We treat each other kindly and don’t lose our tempers with each other (much J). I’m patient when she wakes me up early on Saturday or won’t eat a meal if I don’t eat with her, and she’s patient when I suggest we watch six episodes of NCIS in one day or I drag her with me all over town for two hours when we both know she is a home body. We each seek to protect the other, we trust each other, and we never stop wanting the best for and loving each other. Living our lives together – with love – is making us both better people and helping us live together happily. I’d like to think our love is also spilling over into the rest of our lives and onto our friends and family. Loving others is the recipe for happiness and a wonderful day every day!

So, see, the Beatles were right. Love is all you need.

1 Corinthians 13:8a says this: Love never fails.

Love is all you need. Love never fails. Now, remember those words and go love friends, family, coworkers, neighbors, pets, and even the person who cuts you off in traffic. The practice of loving others the way Paul describes love to the Corinthians will make you a better person. More importantly, practicing love now will prepare you to handle, with love, the glad things, bad things, and sad things that are sure to come your way later.

You need this training. I know you do, because so do I. Trust me. Lucy#1 and I are in training every day.
 

 
 

Hey, sing along with me!! (I found the words and photo at LyricsFreak.com.)

 

Love, love, love.
Love, love, love.
Love, love, love.

There's nothing you can do that can't be done.
Nothing you can sing that can't be sung.
Nothing you can say but you can learn how to play the game.
It's easy.

Nothing you can make that can't be made.
No one you can save that can't be saved.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to be you in time.
It's easy.

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

Nothing you can know that isn't known.
Nothing you can see that isn't shown.
Nowhere you can be that isn't where you're meant to be.
It's easy.

All you need is love.
All you need is love.
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need.

All you need is love (all together, now!)
All you need is love. (everybody!)
All you need is love, love.
Love is all you need (love is all you need).

A Broken Heart

Sometimes the Two Lucys do not get along with each other. We disagree with each other’s point of view. We bicker. We irritate each other. She sometimes walks away from me after giving me the well-known imperious wave of her hand that says, “I’m done with you. Buzz off.” I sometimes disappear into the bathroom and scrub something just to keep from screaming.

It’s a pretty typical situation, right? No two people who live together are thrilled with each other 100% of the time. Whether it’s your freshman roommate in the dorm or the beloved person you married however-many years ago – if you share a living space with someone, you will rub each other the wrong way now and then.

Lucy#1 and I have done pretty well overall. We each have been frustrated with the other occasionally, but we have gotten over it and gotten back to normal quickly. (I’m actually kind of surprised by how quickly!)

The interesting thing to me is that the longer we live together, the more I seem get over our various issues pretty much immediately, no matter how dramatic our disagreement may be or how cranky I am about the situation. In fact, often I never become frustrated or angry or upset at all, no matter what has happened.

I think my calmer attitude stems from a heart that is broken for Lucy#1 on a daily basis. My heart simply cannot be upset with Lucy#1 anymore.

The things that break my heart are too many to enumerate here, but the first-place and most-constant heartbreaking moment for me every day is whenever Lucy#1 walks away from me. It doesn’t matter if she has given me the “buzz off” wave and is stomping off in fury or if she is merely going into the next room or if I see her out the kitchen window while she is on the front porch smoking. It’s the way she looks walking away from me that breaks my heart, no matter why she’s walking away. She is so tiny, so defenseless, so much less strong than she used to be.

 

Lucy#1 is still her same old self in many, many ways, but the ways she is not herself seem more immediate to me when she is walking away. I don’t know why that is, exactly. Maybe when I see her walk away, her very frailness points out that day-by-day she is closer to going away from me forever.

Oh, how that breaks my heart.